At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
