I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize