I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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