I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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