If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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