redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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