I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Who died my cat blue again?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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