My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
