He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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