grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
