i don't like sucking hair
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Randomize
