Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
