I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
