Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
