If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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