I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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