I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
