I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
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It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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