i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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