fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
