I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
