I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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