Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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