STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
