I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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