so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I could make wine with my vomit
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
