The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
