she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
