i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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