ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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