apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
