let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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