Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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