And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
