Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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