You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
