I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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