I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
