she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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