im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you will always have a special place in my vag
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
