those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
