So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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