Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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