It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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