Me. At least after what I've been through.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
