you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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