I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
