So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
