last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
