She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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