ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
