So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
