How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
