i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
