I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
