Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
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my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
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The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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