i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
