"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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