The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
