I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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