Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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