and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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