I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
