you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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