She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
