yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
