I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
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