thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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