My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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