But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
