I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
