Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
