So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
