No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
