just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The Olympian is in my bed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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