I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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