i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
